Childfree

I mentioned to you last week that I had to fire someone recently. It was a pretty traumatic experience and the first time I ever had to do such a thing, but I made it through fairly unscathed. Fortunately I found what appears to be a good replacement for the person I fired. She’s an interesting, intelligent young woman with a strong, outspoken personality and an opininated nature. She’s not shy
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As a childfree person, I know I am not alone in finding the judgements and pronouncements of some parents (about us) tiresome and moronic. I wonder sometimes if these people actually think about their pronouncements before they make them, because most of them are so stupid they make me want to send them right to the dunce chair.Here’s a judgement we childfree folks often hear (I sometimes hear
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As a childfree person, I know I am not alone in finding the judgements and pronouncements of some parents (about us) tiresome and moronic. I wonder sometimes if these people actually think about their pronouncements before they make them, because most of them are so stupid they make me want to send them right to the dunce chair.Here’s a judgement we childfree folks often hear (I sometimes hear
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Sorry for my absence but when it comes to blogging, sometimes life gets in the way. I am happy to report that mostly what has kept me away has been a nice, extra-long vacation in Mexico where blinding sunshine, 80 degree temps and splish splashing in the turquoise sea have kept me far from a computer keyboard. And then, as life would have it, I returned home to a severe stress fest with a major
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Sorry for my absence but when it comes to blogging, sometimes life gets in the way. I am happy to report that mostly what has kept me away has been a nice, extra-long vacation in Mexico where blinding sunshine, 80 degree temps and splish splashing in the turquoise sea have kept me far from a computer keyboard. And then, as life would have it, I returned home to a severe stress fest with a major
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My mother and I do not get along. She lives in another state, and we don’t communicate with each other. While growing up, she would accuse my late younger sister and I of being jealous of her. My sister and I didn’t understand what she was talking about.

Years later, I realized that it was the other way around. Ma had grown up poor on the west side of Chicago, number seven of eleven kids, nine of whom made it to adulthood. In her eyes, my younger siblings and I had it better than she did. My siblings and I didn’t go hungry, we didn’t get our clothes weren’t hand-me-downs or from Goodwill, and every Christmas, there were gifts under the tree. But our status was working class. Ma’s income was the only one coming into the house after our parents’ divorce. My late dad never paid the child support (.00) a week, that he was ordered to pay by the court.

Ma was hard on my younger sister and I, while our brother was mostly spared from having to deal with the verbal put-downs and disapproving looks. My brother was born mentally disabled, which helped his case a bit, even though Ma felt little brother was just as much of a burden as her girls were. However, us girls were constantly being picked on, accused of everything short of murder and warned against doing anything. “You better not come home pregnant,” was one of Ma’s favorite statements.

I have heard similar stories from women who have spent their time moving forward in life: getting educations, having careers, starting businesses, etc. Their mother’s suspicions turned out to be unfounded, and the sarcastic remarks unnecessary. “My brother is always in trouble,” they say. Trouble ranges from being involved in yet another failed marriage to having a drug problem to constantly being hauled off to jail. But Mama’s not trippin’ over her sons’ shortcomings. Oh, she may grumble about “that boy” from time to time, but she’s quick to forgive and overlook. Meanwhile, any positive news that daughter has, like, “I received a promotion at work,” is dismissed.

It’s been said that Black women raise their daughters and love their sons. It is true in too many cases. Sometimes, like in my mother’s case, there’s a lot of jealousy because the daughter has the potential, or already has surpassed Mama on many levels. Other times, it’s the thought that, “I’ve got to make that girl tough” because of the problems (racism, sexism, problem men) that her daughter will face down the line. But some sons are allowed to run unchecked while they are children, which creates problems when the boys become men.

Mama may admonish her son for bringing her another child that has been born out of wedlock, but in the same breath, curse the girl for “tricking” her son into fatherhood. When her son can’t beat the latest charge on him, she’ll grumble about having to travel to the jail on visiting day. But she’ll blame the friends he was hanging with or the cops for the time her son has to do. She’ll side with the son in an argument against her daughter-in-law instead of staying out of their business and letting them handle their marriage problems on their own.

In the end, the daughters will come to Mama’s deathbed because she taught them to take responsibility. The sons will be nowhere to be found, because Mama didn’t teach them much.

Filed under: Childfree
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I marked “cancel” on a subscription bill I received from People magazine. I mentioned in an earlier post that I opted for a free six-week run of receiving the magazine. The latest front cover reminded me why I hadn’t read the magazine on a regular basis in years. The main story is about Celine Dion’s struggles to have another child.

I think Ms. Dion is a good singer, although I’m not crazy about all of the material that she’s put out. Remember how radio stations played the hell out of the sappy “My Heart Goes On”? She missed the premiere of her new movie, Celine: Through The Eyes of the World, to get a fertility treatment at a hospital. She told talk show queen Oprah Winfrey that she is determined to expand her family. She’s had a miscarriage, and other attempts at fertilization did not take. She and her husband already have a nine-year-old son, and it doesn’t seem they are too keen on adoption. Ms. Dion is 41 years old.

I believe that life gives people hints. Maybe the fact that fertilization treatments and miscarriages keep happening to some women is a sign that motherhood — at least natural motherhood — is not in their future. It would also be nice if women over 35, and especially those over 40, would realize that their reproductive organs have aged along with rest of their bodies. Continuing to have a period every month does not mean that the equipment is working the same way it might have when they were younger. It just means that menopause hasn’t begun.

Those trips to the fertility office have got to be exhausting mentally and emotionally after awhile (not to mention the toll they take on people financially). Estrogen patches, constant blood draws, numerous ultrasounds and hormone injections don’t sound like fun. The calls from the doctor saying, “It didn’t work again,” can’t be happiness, either. It is ridiculous to me to keep trying to force nature into making something happen that is probably not meant to be.

Ms. Dion said, “It’s up to God”, in regards to hoping another IVF treatment will take. Well, Ms. Dion — and the other women who are pushing to have a kid in that manner — maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Filed under: African-American, Childfree
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I marked “cancel” on a subscription bill I received from People magazine. I mentioned in an earlier post that I opted for a free six-week run of receiving the magazine. The latest front cover reminded me why I hadn’t read the magazine on a regular basis in years. The main story is about Celine Dion’s struggles to have another child.

I think Ms. Dion is a good singer, although I’m not crazy about all of the material that she’s put out. Remember how radio stations played the hell out of the sappy “My Heart Goes On”? She missed the premiere of her new movie, Celine: Through The Eyes of the World, to get a fertility treatment at a hospital. She told talk show queen Oprah Winfrey that she is determined to expand her family. She’s had a miscarriage, and other attempts at fertilization did not take. She and her husband already have a nine-year-old son, and it doesn’t seem they are too keen on adoption. Ms. Dion is 41 years old.

I believe that life gives people hints. Maybe the fact that fertilization treatments and miscarriages keep happening to some women is a sign that motherhood — at least natural motherhood — is not in their future. It would also be nice if women over 35, and especially those over 40, would realize that their reproductive organs have aged along with rest of their bodies. Continuing to have a period every month does not mean that the equipment is working the same way it might have when they were younger. It just means that menopause hasn’t begun.

Those trips to the fertility office have got to be exhausting mentally and emotionally after awhile (not to mention the toll they take on people financially). Estrogen patches, constant blood draws, numerous ultrasounds and hormone injections don’t sound like fun. The calls from the doctor saying, “It didn’t work again,” can’t be happiness, either. It is ridiculous to me to keep trying to force nature into making something happen that is probably not meant to be.

Ms. Dion said, “It’s up to God”, in regards to hoping another IVF treatment will take. Well, Ms. Dion — and the other women who are pushing to have a kid in that manner — maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Filed under: African-American, Childfree
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I was on my way to the funeral of a cousin a few days ago. There was a woman on the train who loudly asked what stop she should get off at to no one in particular. People do that a lot on public transportation, and it sounds ignorant. I don’t respond when that happens, but usually, someone else does. The woman then decided this was her opening to tell her life story to the person who gave her directions. She blabbed all the way downtown.

We both got off at the same stop, and ended up waiting on the same bus. I was wearing my MP3 player. The fact that she could see the earphones in my ears didn’t stop her from making some inane comment about how bad public transportation is. I made a point of removing one ear bud and saying, “Excuse me?” I mumbled something non-committal and put the ear bud back in. She didn’t take the hint, and she kept talking. She started going on about her adult son who is currently in jail.

The woman talked about how she was not going to put up with her son’s nonsense anymore. She wasn’t going to give him money, wasn’t going to let him stay in her house anymore, etc. I’ve been around too many middle-aged and senior moms with grown, wayward sons. Now Mama wants to get tough on her kid. Why didn’t she do that while she was raising the kid? Instead, she’s going around telling anyone who’ll listen — including strangers in the street who don’t particularly care to hear her life story — about how her problem adult kid continues to give her gray hairs.

There’s only a couple of options in this situation. Mama needs to give the kid a swift kick in the pants and tell them to swim or sink. Or, she can do what she may have been doing all along — enabling the kid to continue in their bad behavior and be a drain on society.

Filed under: African-American, Childfree
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I was on my way to the funeral of a cousin a few days ago. There was a woman on the train who loudly asked what stop she should get off at to no one in particular. People do that a lot on public transportation, and it sounds ignorant. I don’t respond when that happens, but usually, someone else does. The woman then decided this was her opening to tell her life story to the person who gave her directions. She blabbed all the way downtown.

We both got off at the same stop, and ended up waiting on the same bus. I was wearing my MP3 player. The fact that she could see the earphones in my ears didn’t stop her from making some inane comment about how bad public transportation is. I made a point of removing one ear bud and saying, “Excuse me?” I mumbled something non-committal and put the ear bud back in. She didn’t take the hint, and she kept talking. She started going on about her adult son who is currently in jail.

The woman talked about how she was not going to put up with her son’s nonsense anymore. She wasn’t going to give him money, wasn’t going to let him stay in her house anymore, etc. I’ve been around too many middle-aged and senior moms with grown, wayward sons. Now Mama wants to get tough on her kid. Why didn’t she do that while she was raising the kid? Instead, she’s going around telling anyone who’ll listen — including strangers in the street who don’t particularly care to hear her life story — about how her problem adult kid continues to give her gray hairs.

There’s only a couple of options in this situation. Mama needs to give the kid a swift kick in the pants and tell them to swim or sink. Or, she can do what she may have been doing all along — enabling the kid to continue in their bad behavior and be a drain on society.

Filed under: African-American, Childfree
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